I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
