don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
