before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
