Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have aggressive nipples.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
