I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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