he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
