my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
