just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
