i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
