I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Boobs speak an international language.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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