I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize