my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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