Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
