So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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