her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
