Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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