People in love make me want to vomit
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
