sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't shave. On purpose
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
