i already hear my dad disowning me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
