I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
