maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
