i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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