am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
