Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
