I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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