May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
MIDGETS
????
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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