How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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