if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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