so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
