It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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