You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
not ubering you a puppy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pooping to opera.
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