Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
