I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
