I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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