those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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