Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
