census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
