My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
