I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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