I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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