So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
