Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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