Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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