And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
