Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
