I wish I only lived at night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
