I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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