I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
