my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
