Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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