dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
