then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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