Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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