Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
babies were throwing up all over the place
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
