walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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